today was full of mixed emotions. i woke up feeling free because yesterday i was laid off from the company i have worked at for 3 years - the last 12 months as a manager - and i will definitely enjoy the next few stress-free weeks as i relax and decide on my future focus...but that feeling of freedom only lasted a few moments before i realized it was time to tune in to Michael Jackson's memorial service live via satellite transmission directly to my laptop.
thank God for modern technology.
tears welled-up in my eyes as i watched the hearse leave the funeral home on its way to the memorial site. i smiled with tears streaming down my face as Brooke Shields recounted her tales of innocent friendship with Michael. i realized the bittersweet feeling that was being experienced by Lionel Ritchie and Stevie Wonder as they performed at their dear friend's funeral. i understood the pain Usher must be feeling as he walked up to the casket and touched it briefly while singing an ode to his hero; and i watched as Jermaine Jackson (Michael's brother) somehow made it through a beautiful version of 'Smile' (Michael's favorite song, written by his favorite actor, Charlie Chaplin) without breaking down...i thought i too had made it through unscathed by too much sadness - i was smiling and swaying back and forth on my bed and singing along as i watched Paris, Prince, and Blanket (Michael's children) on stage with their aunts Janet, Latoya, and Rebbie (Michael's sisters) joining other friends and family members singing 'We Are The World' and 'Heal The World' as the beautiful celebratory service came to an end. What a stoic family, i thought. how beautiful that they can be so mature and so detached from the death of their father and brother...i was thinking: "i guess in the end Michael Jackson's family really isn't so normal. i guess that's how you have to be when you're Michael Jackson's children and siblings - after all, you're raised in the spotlight. you know that cameras are always lurking, waiting for you to lose control...and i guess I'M not quite as emotional as i thought i would be today, either..."
but i was wrong on both counts. because just when i thought everybody involved had made it through strong and still holding tight to the happy memories of Michael's life, his brother Marlon and daughter Paris spoke - and what they said made me see just how real Michael was to them. just how normal and human his relationship with his family really was...and as Paris pleaded her love for her father and then buried her head in Janet's chest, sobbing, i lifted a pillow to my face and sobbed right along with her. she was crying for her father, i was crying for my childhood hero...and his children, his siblings, his parents and his friends...
we will all miss you Michael, for so many different reasons and in so many different ways.
may God bless your children and all the children of the world, and may your spirit be reborn quickly so your pure beauty can once again begin to shine upon the planet.
and may we all realize the beauty and fragility of life; the unpredictability and shortness of our time on this planet. and may we all take that realization and focus our attention on making the most of each moment, and always work toward beautiful new beginnings as each moment passes in to memory...
"...like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon, gone too soon..."
unshrouded honesty
